Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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