First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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