Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
