..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
