If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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