oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
