Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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