My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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