IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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