last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
