It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
