I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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