I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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