Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Is it because I queefed?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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