I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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