He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
