a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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