my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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