Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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