i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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