I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
