I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
