So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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