somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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