as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
