thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
