I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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