life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
