her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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