Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
