Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
