his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
