How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
