Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
