She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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