why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
