So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
