I'm drive I can fine osifer
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
