one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
