Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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