I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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