dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
