Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
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