I think my fart just growled at me.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
