): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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