I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
