The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize