Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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