upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
