last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
