Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
