fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
