I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize