Only a mothe r could love this liver
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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