This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
