the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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