I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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