My first STD was from a foam party
He kissed a someone with a penis
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
3 2 1 whiskey
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
