Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
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