you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
