We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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