Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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