I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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