I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
