Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize