he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
