I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
