Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
