Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
