I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
