What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
