If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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